Bastion is a satire VC run by a tight circle of friends who treat every late-night brainstorm like a Series A. We fund surreal, delightful businesses that only exist because someone said, “wait… what if?”
Every great venture starts with a group chat and a shared willingness to take a joke too far. We invest in ideas that feel like fever dreams, build decks with emojis, and measure traction in “laughs per minute.”
This is not a fund. This is a friendship with term sheets. If you can pitch it over voice notes, you are portfolio material.
Breathwork, forest baths, and a waiver long enough to qualify as literature.
Acquire, raise rent, and add public showers. Radical transparency meets tile grout.
We own a whole floor. The elevator pitch is literal.
Ticketed dance rituals with a merch line that glows under blacklight.
Eight courses, five paradoxes, and a dessert that questions your free will.
Bastion runs on voice notes, screen grabs, and an unhealthy love of naming fictional holding companies. We write checks in the form of encouragement and extremely specific GIFs.
We only respond to ideas that make at least three friends laugh out loud.